When I was a kid, my favorite athlete was Rollie Fingers. I’ve still got a bunch of his baseball cards from the early 1970s, when he was coming up with the Oakland A’s… here’s one now:
Yup, that’s Rollie Fingers. You were expecting something else, perhaps? Like, say, a handlebar mustache? That came later on in 1972. During spring training, A’s owner Charlie Finley offered a $300 prize to whichever player could produce the best facial hair for Opening Day. In an era when most athletes were clean-shaven, Fingers produced this:
Did he get extra bonus money for that unibrow? Eventually, Fingers would take it to the next level and produce the carefully-waxed ‘stache that became his calling card.
Look at that handsome face. No wonder Fingers became one of the most popular players of his generation. Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if more people wore their facial hair like this? As an advertising sports betting exec and a casino buff, I’ve been encouraging anybody in the public eye – dealers, pit bosses, anyone already wearing a suit – to coif themselves so that customers will feel the same positive emotional connection that people have with Fingers. That’s just smart business.
A great mustache can work wonders for you, too. Here we are at the end of Movember, with millions of men around the world carrying around a full month’s worth of facial hair in support of cancer awareness. Don’t shave off that bad boy! As a public service to you and the rest of the world, here are my personal top 10 suggestions, from most to least recommended, for how to put your best face forward with a classy ‘stache.
1. The Natural (Tom Selleck)
2. The Hungarian (Lanny McDonald)
3. The Handlebar (Ian “Uncle Creepy” McCall)
4. The Mexican (Frank Zappa)
5. The Horseshoe (Sam Elliot)
6. The Pencil (Prince)
7. The English (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)
8. The Fu Manchu(Chow Yun-Fat)
9. The Dali (Salvador Dali)
10. The Toothbrush (Michael Jordan)
